Author Interview with At Least I’m Trying Author – Tara Hodgson

Welcome to the author interview with Tara Hodgson as she shares with us about her book – At Least I’m Trying!

Blurb

When the volleyball hits the floor mere inches from Reese’s hands, her dreams of playing college ball shatter.

After consecutive failures on the court, in the classroom, and in her relationships, she’s done playing the part of perfect daughter, perfect student, and perfect athlete. It’s time for a new life.
Enter Cassie Brentwood.

Bold. Reckless. Free. Cassie is everything Reese isn’t yet longs to be. They quickly become friends and Cassie introduces her to Liam, a mysterious guy from Snapchat. Blinded by his love
bombing and the desperation to shed her perfect image, Reese plunges head first into their world.
It feels instantly thrilling… until it’s not.

Girls are disappearing from nearby towns, however no one in their quiet small town seems concerned.

But when Liam’s behaviour grows darker, Reese’s new life begins to unravel. She ignores the warnings. The red flags. The little voice screaming to her that something’s not right. Until she’s far from home, trapped in a nightmare she can’t escape.

With no one left to trust, Reese has to fight to reclaim the life she was so eager to leave behind.
She wanted freedom. Now, she just wants to go home.

At least she has to try.

Told with searing honesty and lyrical depth, At Least I’m Trying is a poignant novel about mental health, girlhood, and what happens when the version of yourself you’ve worked so hard to become starts to fall apart.

Ready to learn more about At Least I’m Trying and the author behind it? Keep reading for our interview with author Tara Hodgson!

Author Hodgson, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with Scribbles about your book, At Least I’m Trying!

Author Hodgson: Thank you for chatting with me about the book!

Q: What was your inspiration behind writing “At Least I’m Trying”?

Author Hodgson: The plot for At Least I’m Trying came to me after hearing students talk about the Snap map feature on Snap Chat. This led me down a wormhole of research about the app and countless stories of terrible things that have happened because of it. The more I’ve been learning about the potential implications of social media use on teens’ lives, the more first hand accounts of this I’ve come across.

Wow! It sounds like you learned quite abit about SnapChat while researching for this book. Social media is wild enough as is, but this takes things to another level of scary. Especially for parents with teens!

Q: You start the story off with Reese struggling to focus on this big game about to happen. Is her lack of focus solely based on Gabe’s absence? Or is there more to it?

Author Hodgson: In my mind, Reese had been struggling for a while at this point; the pressure was getting to her. She had been waiting for this moment for so long, but never truly felt good enough to achieve it, so that self-doubt definitely contributed. Add in the uncertainty with Gabe, and she was a mess.

Okay. That makes a lot of sense. All of that piling up, and the pressure building, it all had to come to a head and it sounds like Gabe’s actions were the final straw that began the eventual implosion.

Q: Reese’s parents are…to put it mildly…wow! Have they always been “perfectionists” so to speak? Their expectations to say the least…are sky high.

(a) Why weren’t they happy with raising one child who exceeded expectations?

Author Hodgson: Reese’s parents have good intentions, but don’t know how to execute them. Her mom grew up similarly to her, with intense pressure to excel and, unfortunately, due to an injury, she failed. She doesn’t want the same for Reese or Lizzy, so she pushes them. With Lizzy, success and perfection come easily, but Reese resists and their mom doesn’t know how to deal with that besides by pushing her even harder.

Oooh! Okay! That makes a lot of sense! It’s sad that Reese’s mother sees no other path than to apply more pressure to Reese to try to push her into the mold of perfection. But it all adds to the drama of the novel for sure!

(b) Why did they never want to foster a sisterly relationship between their daughters?

Author Hodgson: Again, I think they used competition as motivation for the girls to be the best. I don’t think they saw it as taking away from their sisterly relationship; I think they saw it as a way for the girls to reach their full potential. I don’t see them as evil, terrible people, just incredibly misguided.

When readers are reading this book, you take this story from tugging at our heartstrings to full blown yanking. “Watching” the events of Reese’s life unfold on the page are absolutely heartbreaking.

Q: We see Reese struggling with Gabe’s absence, so we have to ask…was there any communication or attempt at communication on his part to let her know he was unhappy? Or was this just something he bottled up until he couldn’t “take it” anymore and then just let it out?

Author Hodgson: There were definitely signs leading up to this. He was pushing her away, fed up with being at the bottom of her priority list. I imagine him ignoring her calls, short, terse conversations, taking extra shifts at work… just enough to let her know that he’s not in it anymore. That is why her mind isn’t on the volleyball game; she knows the break up is coming.

Ah! That’s good to know. Of course, this does get touched on when they finally meet up later in the story.

Q: It was heartbreaking to watch Reese struggle the way that she does while her family acts like she’s just supposed to shrug it off and keep going. What was it like writing those scenes?

Author Hodgson: As a teacher, I’ve seen all sorts of family dynamics, and it’s heartbreaking when teens aren’t supported, especially when they make mistakes which is part of their job! Writing emotional scenes is actually something I enjoy; I love the challenge of creating authentic dialogue and imagining the body language and inner thoughts that would be taking place. My goal is to translate the feelings of my character onto the reader.

We have to admit that you did quite the exceptional job writing those emotional scenes. We were completely engaged in each moment, and could even relate to the characters in some of the scenes. We’re sure that other readers will enjoy them as well.

Q: We’re sure that you know that this question is coming, but we absolutely have to ask…is/was Gabe cheating on Reese?

It’s just a touch hard to believe that he’s unhappy with their relationship and then decides that he’s done without having someone else he’s ready to move on with. (Mild spoiler ahead) Couple that with him being seen with Emery? It smacks of something going on.

Author Hodgson: Gabe was not cheating; he cared deeply about Reese, but as a 17-year-old boy, getting ready to move across the country to start university, he lost his way a bit too. Emery, an attractive girl, gave him some attention, and he fell for it. He’d never been with anyone but Reese before, so Emery’s advances were exciting. However, I don’t see anything more coming from their flirtation.

Hmmm…okay. LOL! We were so sure that there was something going on, but what with Gabe’s disengagement from the relationship already ongoing it also lends toward him being more susceptible to the attentions of another young woman. Though, as everyone knows, it’s never a good look to move on quickly from one relationship to another. Makes people might suspicious. LOL!

Q: While writing “At Least I’m Trying” you have an “After” and “Before” throughout the story. The “After” sections absolutely pique our interest as it’s more a “future” element of the story. What was it like writing this? Did you write the “After” parts first and then come up with the “Before”? Or did you do the “Before” and then come up with the “After” afterwards?

Author Hodgson: I actually wrote most of it in the order it’s in. I left some of the AFTER sections empty and came back to them as the story built and then I shuffled some of it around at the end. It was a hard balancing act!

Wow! Really?! That sounds like it must have been an interesting way to bring this story to life! But it really works!

Q: Just how lost is Reese in “At Least I’m Trying”? It seems like Gabe’s absence is the first domino that just creates this huge cascade that impacts one thing after another.

Author Hodgson: Reese is incredibly lost. In fact, I think she always was but it got progressively worse as her future loomed. As we see in some of the flashbacks, she always relied on Gabe and Willow to piece her back together when she struggled. Due to the stifling pressure placed on her so long, she never truly knew who she was when she wasn’t succeeding. As she got older, that pressure only increased until she got to the point that she couldn’t hold it any longer.

We definitely caught on to that element of the story that Reese started to understand more and more about herself. It was rather unfortunate that she began to view herself more as a burden, and that was part of the catalyst for her pulling away from her friendships. Pressure on anyone at any age can be quite the terrible thing.

Q: At the beginning of the chapters you have “headlines” highlighting the disappearances of young girls all across the area. Is no one taking notice of these headlines since they aren’t spoken of by Reese or anyone around her for a good portion of the story?

Author Hogdson: In one of my many drafts, I had more conversations about the missing girls woven into the actual story, but it felt better just having them mentioned at the beginning of chapters. There are definitely conversations happening, but not in Reese’s world until her parents bring it up at dinner. Like most teens, she doesn’t see how it affects her world; she can’t see the connection staring her straight in the face.

We can understand your thought process behind this course of action. It definitely creates a gradual build and furthers the unintended indifference that we tend to see in teens, especially. But it also goes to further amplify the suspense and the tension for readers. We’re able to see the danger that lies ahead, but Reese doesn’t.

Q: We see frequently with Reese throughout “At Least I’m Trying” that she seemingly so easily casts aside her friendships and relationships. Why does she seem to be able to do this so casually? It almost gives the impression that she never really cared.

Author Hodgson: I don’t think she comes to these decisions lightly. You can see how much her falling out with Willow affects her and how conflicted she is over it, but she’s unwilling to show these emotions. She cares deeply, but has never been taught how to express that. To protect herself, she abandons that friendship, thinking it is best in the long run, when ultimately, it’s not.

We definitely saw how the decision to “walk away” from the friendship with Willow is impacting her. She thinks about reaching out, but then chooses not to. Then another time, essentially shuts down a potential conversation. It’s a struggle for sure.

Q: The “friendship” between Reese and Cassie…was any part of it actually real? Or was it just Cassie setting her up the entire time?

Author Hogdson: I think Cassie went into this friendship with terrible intentions. In my mind, she was working with Liam and Seth the entire time. She was initially meant to be a target for them, but she and Seth actually ended up falling for each other, so she joined them.

She’s desperate for the love and attention that her parents don’t give her, so much so that she’s willing to help lure Reese for them. I do think that she grew to care about Reese which is why she reaches out after everything, but it’s not enough for her to sacrifice her relationship with Seth in order to protect her.

That makes a lot of sense. Readers will definitely get the feeling as the story goes along that Cassie is leaning more towards Reese, but we were still hesitant at times to truly believe that Cassie cared for her as a friend would.

Q: While writing “At Least I’m Trying” we have to know – did this story flow easily for you? Or was it a challenge to write?

We ask because, we absolutely devoured this book. We maybe put it down 2-3 times because we kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. When was the next and epic moment of tragedy going to strike? You know? LOL!

Author Hodgson: I’m so glad to hear that you enjoyed it! There were parts that flowed so easily for me; I started it immediately after the publication of my first novel, Chasing Through Time, and I enjoyed writing it immensely. However, once I got to the NOW section, I stalled. I didn’t know exactly how to end it and remove Reese from the situation she finds herself in. It took me a while to get to that point.

That must have been quite the situation to find yourself in! But it was definitely worth all the effort that you put into it, because the story comes out really well!!

Q: This question really took up root in our brain and so we’re curious…is any part of this story based in reality? Or is the entire story fiction, but with enough realistic elements to make you think twice about chatting with the next stranger that approaches you on social media?

Author Hodgson: I did a lot of research on how victims of situations like this are often targeted online using apps like Snap Chat, so while Reese’s story is fictional, I read countless stories of people ending up in similar situations as Reese. Unfortunately, the potential implications of social media are incredibly frightening if people aren’t knowledgeable and careful.

We must applaud you for creating this story. It is both eye-opening, and frightening to really think about how easily people are targeted on these social media apps.

Q: The target audience is primarily teens and younger adults, correct? Who else would you encourage to read “At Least I’m Trying”?

Author Hodgson: I think anyone who has teens in their lives can find value in this book or adults who enjoy Young Adult and New Adult fiction!

We couldn’t agree more! People, especially if you have teens how are on social media, we can’t recommend this book enough! It should be one that you grab, read yourself, and have your teen(s) read as well.

Q: The more that we learn about “Liam” as he barrels his way into Reese’s life we get a front row seat to his gaslighting and narcisstic tendencies. Did you do a lot of research for his character?

(a) Was he a hard character to write?

Author Hodgson: He was difficult to write. I tried to balance all of his problematic behaviour with just enough good to make it plausible that Reese falls for him. I didn’t do any research, but I based some of his qualities off other characters I’ve seen in books and movies.

Oh okay! We’ve been learning a lot about gaslighting and narcissim and you definitely check the boxes for both with ease.

Q: If you can without revealing any spoilers, can you tell us why you decided to throw out a bit of a twist when it comes to Lizzy? For so much of the story she’s portrayed as the “perfect child” in her parents’ eyes. Is she more like Reese than we originally are made to believe?

Author Hodgson: I needed Lizzy and Reese to connect in some way in order for the ending of the story to unfold the way it did. By making Lizzy “imperfect” in the sense that she doesn’t reach her parent’s unattainable expectations like Reese thought, it allows Reese to see her in a new light. It puts them on equal ground and they connect in a way they never had before once that truth is out in the open.

We have to say that we loved seeing the two sisters find a way to connect with each other. It definitely goes to create a needed lifeline for later in the story.

Q: You close “At Least I’m Trying” without giving readers any closure concerning the ordeal that Reese is made to endure. Are there any thoughts on writing a second novel that continues Reese’s story in the aftermath of what she’s been through?

We just feel that there is a story there still. To continue Reese’s recovery, to see the family dynamics finally shift towards a more positive path, mending of damaged friendships, and even for justice to be served.

(a) If you’re not thinking about it or haven’t been is this something that you’d at least consider? We’re sure that our readers and many others who pick up your book will have the same thoughts of wanting to know what happens next.

Author Hodgson: I did this intentionally because, like life, things don’t usually end wrapped in a perfect, pretty bow. Even though the perpetrators aren’t all caught, Reese and her family all leave with newfound understandings of each other and Reese will no longer have to strive for pressure-crushing expectations. My third book, however, takes place in Cardothia as well and Reese’s situation is alluded to. There is some clarity!

Haha! We guessed that is what you would say. It absolutely makes sense, because that definitely adds to the realism and realistic nature of the story. Not everything gets that “perfect” ending no matter how badly we would want to see closure for Reese and her family. But it’s also good to know that Reese’s situation is alluded to in another story! Can’t wait to discover more!

Q: What was the intent behind writing “At Least I’m Trying”? Was one of your goals to shine a spotlight on the dangers of social media through a fictitious, yet highly realistic story?

Author Hodgson: My goal in writing is always to highlight the issues that social media has on our lives. I want to spark important conversations about these potential implications because I don’t think enough people are talking about it!

Q: Is there anything that you’re currently working on for readers to look forward to in the future?

Author Hodgson: I’ve nearly finished the first draft of my third manuscript, which is a women’s contemporary fiction novel. I’m hoping to send it off to my editor within the month! Then I’m heading back to YA, but still need to flesh out my ideas before I share.

Okay! Sounds exciting to know that you have a new book on the horizon! We’re sure that our readers will be eagerly anticipating your next book as well as your next YA novel when you’re ready to share.

Q: What book would you recommend readers pick up after reading “At Least I’m Trying”?

Author Hodgson: Well, if I can throw in a shameless plug, I’d say my first novel Chasing Through Time! I also would say anything by Kathleen Glasgow who is my absolute hero and inspiration. She writes about real life, challenging issues but does so with such grace and care.

Alright then, fellow readers! There you go! If you haven’t already picked up author Hodgson’s Chasing Through Time be sure to grab it while you wait for her next book! If you have already read it then check out her recommendation of Kathleen Glasgow instead!

Q: Is there anything that you’d like to share with our readers before you go?

Author Hodgson: I update everything book-related on Instagram @tarahodgsonauthor so follow me there for updates! Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to read my books I appreciate you all so much!

Author Tara Hodgson, we appreciate you taking the time to share with us here at Scribbles and our readers about your book, At Least I’m Trying. We look forward to reading more of your work in the future! Thank you so much for your time today!

Author Hodgson: Thank you so much for the questions!

We enjoyed and appreciated the opportunity to read and review At Least I’m Trying and you can check out the review here.

About the Author:

Tara Hodgson has been teaching junior high for the past sixteen years. She spends her days surrounded by teens and has witnessed the changes that technology, especially social media, has had on the teenage experience. She lives on an acreage in Sturgeon County, Alberta with her husband, two children, and a crew of cats and dogs. Information about Tara can be found at: TARA HODGSON – Home